i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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