You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
