Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I did not marry a roomba.
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