HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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