Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
