Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
