I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize