woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
