I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I intend to get homeless drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
