They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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