the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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