Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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