I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think your dad took our porno
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
