R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize