I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
