I got chris browned last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
