I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
