how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize