all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
