things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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