The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
