I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
