sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
