I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Congratulations! We have a period
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