We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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