Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
