life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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