definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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