she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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