My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
