she smelled like a LAN party
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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