You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
