...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
