So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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