would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
