So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bring me that man meat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
