Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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