I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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