you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ok first of all what the fuck
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
