dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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