I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
