Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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