kristin has been a bad kristin
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
