I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize