Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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