Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
