A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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