He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
