I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize