you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
