Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
