You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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