Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
