dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
