This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
