u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
