is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
