shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
