Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
