the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
