Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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