her vagine was all disorganized.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
