i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
