Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
