I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
