Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
