Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
