As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
