tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
