I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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