All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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