I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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