In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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