I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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