I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
